A woman is opening up about some tension in her co-parenting relationship with her kids’ father.
In a post on Reddit‘s “Am I the A——?” forum, the woman, 25, detailed how her 3-year-old twins’ dad got mad after hearing the children call her boyfriend “daddy.”
She began by providing some context to the family’s dynamics, explaining that she and her boyfriend, 28, have been dating for three years and living together for two years. She said she and the kids’ father, meanwhile, “have never been together” and he “hadn’t wanted to be part of [the twins’] life” until they were a year old.
As for the woman’s boyfriend, the twins “don’t know life without” him, as the pair have been together since she first learned she was pregnant. “He was there for all the ultrasounds and birth classes. He sat and read all the books with me and was there for the labor,” the Redditor wrote. “He loves them like his own, and in my eyes they’re as much his kids as mine.”
Per a custody agreement, the twins spend every other Saturday with their father, and the woman usually drops them off and picks them up at his home. However, the woman was away on a work trip one weekend, so her boyfriend stepped in to help. When the boyfriend was picking up the kids, they “called him ‘daddy’ to get his attention” — and the woman said their father was not happy about it.
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The Redditor shared that the kids’ father later called her “screaming, saying how undermining and disrespectful it was that the twins called him daddy.” He then “started complaining about custody, which was originally his idea because he was working a lot, and saying that it was my fault because my boyfriend is spending more time with them and that he doesn’t have enough time to bond with them.”
According to the woman, the twins’ father also expressed his frustration that while the kids are “so comfortable” with her boyfriend, his own partner can’t even hug the kids “without bribing them with something.”
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When the Redditor returned home from her trip, she discussed the issue with her boyfriend, and he told her that, as much as he loves the kids, he would understand if she told them to stop calling him daddy. The situation now has her feeling super conflicted, she said.
“I love that my twins call [my boyfriend] dad — I feel like he’s earned it — but I don’t know if I’m being a d— because my ex is in their life and he is their father,” she concluded her post, inviting fellow Redditors to share their thoughts.
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In the comments, many people assured the woman that it’s completely natural — and acceptable — for her kids to call her boyfriend “daddy,” considering the circumstances.
“Your boyfriend has been a constant, loving and supportive presence in your twins’ lives since before they were born. It’s natural for them to see him as a father figure and call him ‘dad,’ ” one person wrote.
“While it’s understandable that your ex feels upset, especially if he wants a closer bond with the twins, this situation is a result of his choices and limited involvement early on,” the same commenter continued. “Your boyfriend earned that role by stepping up, and it’s not fair to ask your kids to stop expressing their bond with him to appease your ex’s insecurities.”
Another Redditor agreed while also noting that this situation should serve as an opportunity for the twins’ father to reevaluate his own relationship with his children. “It’s tough that your ex feels left out, but maybe it’s a cue for him to step up his game rather than criticize the bonds that have formed in his absence,” they wrote.
Someone else chimed in, writing: “If he has a problem with not having a closer relationship like your boyfriend does then he should work on the actual relationships not the appearance of them. Because that’s what this is — either concerned with his ego or the appearance of it.”
Yet another commenter shared their opinion that the twins’ father is “trying to blame” the woman for “his own failings.”
“Don’t fall for it,” they urged the mom. “If your ex can’t bond with his own children, that’s his problem. A decent father would be happy his kids have another positive male role model in his kids’ lives, not mad that they like him better.”
