A man who was “worried” about his fiancée coming home unusually late after work — notably, at 4 a.m. — is wondering if he’s “out of line” for asking her to let him know in the future if she ends up working late again.
The man detailed his request and her surprising response on Reddit’s popular “Am I the A——” forum on Tuesday, Jan. 16.
“My fiancée usually works from 2 PM to 11 PM and gets home around midnight or 1 AM,” he began his post. “Last night, she ended up working much later than usual and didn’t get home until 4 AM.”
“When she got back, I asked her if she could let me know in the future if she’s working late. I explained that I wasn’t trying to control her or micromanage her time, but it’s common courtesy to let your partner know if there’s a major change in plans — especially since I was worried when she didn’t come home at her usual time,” he continued.
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The original poster (OP) was then taken aback by the way she reacted.
“Her response caught me off guard: she asked, ‘Why do you want me to inform you?’ ” he recalled. “I didn’t expect that reaction, and it made me wonder if I was out of line for asking.”
He concluded his post with a brief reasoning for his request.
“To me, it’s about respect and staying connected as partners, but I’m curious if others see it differently,” he explained, before asking, “AITA [am I the a——] for expecting her to let me know if she’s working late?”
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The OP didn’t specify what his fiancée does for a living, but that didn’t stop fellow Redditors from quickly giving their input on the situation.
“Totally NTA [not the a——],” one person commented. “When you are arriving late, you SHOULD tell your partner, so they won’t stay up worrying that something happened to you, and so they can plan their schedule accordingly … I would ask myself … if she has something to hide.”
Another Redditor replied, “It isn’t control. It’s concern. If my husband was 3-4 hours late without warning, I would also be concerned for his safety.”
In a follow-up comment, the OP explained why he felt like an a——.
“I might be the a—— because she felt the question was unnecessary and implied I was overstepping or controlling her,” he said. “I want to know if asking for this courtesy is too much or unreasonable in a relationship.”
Still, the comments were overwhelmingly in his favor.
A third Redditor seemingly summed up the majority consensus: “You just want a little communication if she’s going to be hours late,” the person wrote. “That’s not an unreasonable ask, at all — especially when the hours late is the difference between midnight and 4 a.m.”
