Keri Hilson Felt ‘Depressed’ at Peak of Her Fame and Nearly Quit Music (Exclusive) ArticlePure

• Keri Hilson is back after 15 years with a new album, We Need to Talk, out now
• The Grammy-nominated R&B star tells PEOPLE about how she became depressed at the height of her fame around the time she scored major hits like “Pretty Girl Rock” in 2010
• “You have to let rock bottom occur to rebuild. So that’s what I did,” says Hilson

Her name is Keri, and she’s back.

Nearly 15 years after the release of her last album No Boys Allowed, R&B singer Keri Hilson has returned with a new nine-track project, We Need to Talk — and she has a lot to say.

Following the Georgia native’s break into music as a writer behind hits like Britney Spears’ “Gimme More” and Usher’s “Love in this Club,” she launched as an artist in the late 2000s with inescapable songs like “The Way I Are” with Timbaland, “Turnin Me On” with Lil Wayne and “Pretty Girl Rock.”

Hilson began teasing her third album in 2011, but she then essentially disappeared from music. She’s kept busy with film and TV roles and toured occasionally in the meantime, but her absence has been felt. Now, she’s not only ready to reconnect with listeners but getting candid about her time away.

The Grammy-nominated star sat down with PEOPLE to discuss her illustrious career, hitting “rock bottom” and nearly quitting music, regaining confidence and the making of We Need to Talk.

PEOPLE: How does it feel to be back in the game after 15 years with this new album?

Keri Hilson: If I’m being completely honest, it feels a little scary. It feels like I’m starting over — I like that feeling. I feel ready. I feel excited. I feel a lot of gratitude for the opportunity to still do it. I don’t take that for granted.

PEOPLE: First, I want to go back to the beginning. Before debuting as an artist, you wrote for Mary J. Blige, Ciara, Britney Spears and many others. How did it feel to write for those superstars at the time?

Hilson: Honestly, some of those were written in a time where I didn’t know that I would ever have an opportunity to be an artist. I was getting to sing demos, arrange, produce and write. That was a win for me. I wasn’t having the experience that some of my family and friends were having in the workforce, so I felt like I won. I still feel that way. I wasn’t waiting, I was working. I was living the dream.

PEOPLE: Was there ever a song you wrote and thought you could’ve done yourself, but it ended up going to someone else?

Hilson: Yeah, probably. I could have sung “Gimme More.” I don’t know, it’s hard to say what would’ve happened. Would it have been as big if I sang it? In my pinnacle, yes, I believe so. But then it’s Britney. That was another dream come true. I would’ve sung a lot of the records that I did for Mary and Toni Braxton and J.Lo. But as a songwriter, I always feel like they end up where they’re supposed to end up.

PEOPLE: Your artist career really sparked when you got signed to Timbaland’s label. What do you think he saw in you?

Hilson: He told me that he saw Justin Timberlake and Aaliyah. It was interesting because I felt like those are two very different artists, but both had Timbaland in common. I was like, “Are you saying that I have the capability of being as big as either of them? I’m game.” Those were two huge compliments. Then, I got to work with Justin and learn from just the best of the best.

PEOPLE: Your first album In a Perfect World was huge. Is there a memory that really sticks out to you from that time, maybe a moment you knew you made it?

Hilson: It would’ve been the Grammy nominations. I think there were two, and they both happened on the same night. There was one, best new artist, that I won’t say I expected to win, but when those cameras rushed to me to capture my reaction of the winner, I felt like, “It’s happening.” It went to Zac Brown Band, and they were absolutely deserving. But that was the moment I felt like, “Oh my God, I’m here at the Grammys. There are cameras in my face, and I might go on that stage and give the speech I’ve been wanting to give since I was like six years old.” 

PEOPLE: You then released No Boys Allowed in 2010 with “Pretty Girl Rock.” How did you go from that massive hit to such a lengthy hiatus? No one knew that album would be the last one for a while.

Hilson: I didn’t even know. I was also depressed at the new height of my career with the success of “Pretty Girl Rock.” I was just not okay. I was not well, I needed a break. I hadn’t taken a break since I was 14 years old in my first girl group. When we disbanded, I went headfirst into songwriting at 17, got my first big check by 18. I joined another group and was also writing while in college. So I never had a break from 14 to, say, mid-20s. It was already a decade of just pure dedication, and I needed a break. Fame was a beast for me, and I fell into a really dark place. I needed to step away for a moment. I thought it’d be just a one-year moment, not a 14-year moment, but it turns out it was necessary. I really can’t regret it. I, as a human, needed that time.

PEOPLE: Is that peak of fame and depression the “rock bottom” you talk about in the introduction of We Need to Talk?

Hilson: Yeah, but I found new rock bottoms throughout the process. I hit many rock bottoms, honestly, of many different kinds.

PEOPLE: There were also times you thought about leaving music. Why was that?

Hilson: I just wasn’t sure of it anymore. The industry was changing. I love making the art, I love doing music, I love making music, I love performing music — but I didn’t love everything that came with it. I didn’t love the heavy criticism. It’s just not like the old industry now, and that, to me, felt like a threat. It felt like you have to be so careful and so cautious in how you speak, what you say, where you go, what you do, how you’re perceived, things you say or [post online]. It felt like I was playing a game of, “How many ways can I be misunderstood?” You’re crucified for making an honest mistake, and that just became a lot to bear. You have to let rock bottom occur to rebuild. So that’s what I did.

PEOPLE: Did you have to talk yourself out of quitting music?

Hilson: In some ways, yeah. And there would be divine occurrences where I’m trending for good stuff. I could look at it and say, “Oh wow, I’m missed.” Or someone would walk up to me and say, “Oh my God, I get dressed for work to ‘Pretty Girl Rock’ every single morning. You have no idea how that song makes me feel.” Or someone would walk up to me crying and say “Tell Him the Truth,” or “Beautiful Mistake,” or “All the Boys” — there are songs that really touch people, and they would tell me. I never intended to stay away forever, so it just reinvigorated my sense of, “I’m not done.”

PEOPLE: Were there ever any false starts where you had an album fully done and shelved?

Hilson: In a sense, yes. I would say one false start. There were some fake press releases made. Maybe fans were trying to force my hand to release what was called Love is a Religion, L.I.A.R. I guess they wanted it that bad, and they just would put out like, “Keri Hilson says…” Honestly, artists, sometimes we need that. We want to know that somebody out there wants it. I was a little upset because I started getting calls, and radio stations would find me somehow. I felt pressured. But truth be told, in hindsight, the timing is way better now for me. 

PEOPLE: You have two other albums coming. We Need to Talk is the love section, and the next ones will be about drama and redemption. How did you come up with this concept? 

Hilson: One, I’ve been gone for so long. I wanted to give enough to satiate my fans. Two, once I became clear on how I wanted to present this album, the story I wanted to tell became love, drama, redemption. It’s also a parallel to my career — loving music, encountering drama and feeling redeemed, finally.

PEOPLE: Is the album inspired by one real-life relationship or multiple?

Hilson: A couple. Two in particular.

PEOPLE: Are you in a relationship now?

Hilson: No. I’m in a relationship with music again. So there’s no room for anyone else at the moment. I’m a person that when I decide to do something, I’m fully there. I like to be fully present in what I’m endeavoring in. So I don’t know if love can fit for a while, but I’m happy to try. If I feel inspired by someone that comes along, I’m happy to try.

PEOPLE: Now that you’re back to releasing music, what are your goals, and how are they different from when you put out your last album? Do you aspire to be back at that level, or do you have a different definition of success now?

Hilson: I’m okay with being a niche artist. Those that have been waiting, those that appreciate my efforts, those that see me and truly understand who I am or intend to, I’m for them. If it’s a fragment of the success that I’ve had, I’m okay because I feel like I’m serving my people, my tribe, and that’s truly it. That spilled into the way I approached this album. I wasn’t as concerned with how I would be perceived as I was like, “How do I feel? Do I like this? Is this a bop? Is it jamming to me? Can I perform this for 20 more years? Can I present this with full confidence without the politics I’ve had in my career prior?” There was still some of that. Yes, I was a songwriter. Yes, I had some prior knowledge in the industry, but I was still a new artist signed to other people. I couldn’t make all of my decisions. Now I can.

PEOPLE: Is there a piece of advice you’ve received that still sticks with you today?

Hilson: My former manager, Ethiopia Habtemariam, an incredible woman, she said to me — and I think about this almost weekly — “Life is really all about what you have the courage to go after.” And then she expounded and said, “And what the courage you have to let go of.” She said, “Life is about courage,” and that stuck because we need courage daily. I have a lot of it already. I wouldn’t be where I am if I weren’t a courageous individual, but there are times when I need that reminder, like, “Oh, I’m courageous.” I’m using it more as an affirmation. There are times where I need to be reminded. 

PEOPLE: If you, from where you are now with We Need to Talk, could give some advice to your 2010 self, what would you say to her?

Hilson: A few things. Life is going to get interesting. Brace yourself. One day, you’re going to come back to the purity of this. You’re going to come back to who you wanted to be all along. You’re going to find you again. You’re going to get lost, so buckle the f— up.