Woman Upset at Mother-in-Law for Visiting Her Daughter at Daycare ArticlePure

A new mom is struggling with the fact that her mother-in-law drops by her baby’s daycare unannounced — and she’s wondering whether or not she should say something.

The 29-year-old detailed her story in a thread on Reddit’s popular “Am I the A——” forum on Wednesday, Feb 5, explaining that her mother-in-law visits her 5-month-old daughter’s daycare “at least once a week” and “spends 30 minutes to an hour just playing with my daughter.”

“This rubs me the wrong way for so many reasons,” the Redditor said, adding, “As a mom, it frustrates me that she thinks it’s okay to just drop by whenever without at least saying something or asking (I actually just found out while writing this that she tells my husband but nobody communicates it with me).”

The woman also said that — as a former daycare worker herself — she “would have hated having someone just come in and spend time with a child because now not only do they have infants to watch, but now they have to work around a fully grown woman and make sure that she isn’t taking pictures/videos of other babies as well.”

The Redditor then admitted that she thinks her “biggest issue,” however, is “that some days she gets to spend more awake time with my daughter than I do.”

“I know that’s a horrible reason to be frustrated with someone,” she continued, “but it is what it is.”

The woman said her mother-in-law comes to their house several hours a week “so it’s not like daycare is the only time she gets to see [her grandchild].”

“Would I be the a—— if I asked her to stop visiting daycare so frequently?” she wrote, asking for opinions.

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The general consensus among Reddit users was that the woman needs to take time for self-reflection and perhaps a shift in perspective.

“This whole thing is jealousy. Plain and simple,” one person wrote. “Why aren’t you able to go and see your daughter at the daycare when you want to? Your husband has a say too—it’s his child as well. Are you seriously trying to gatekeep your daughter from a grandparent that is putting in the effort?”  

Another commenter took a more gentle approach, noting that while the OP [original poster] may be in the wrong, her thoughts and feelings are also totally natural.

“We all have intrusive thoughts. It’s our behavior that defines us,” the person wrote. “Op came here asking for other opinions because she probably knew deep down it wouldn’t be right to ask her [mother-in-law] not to visit. She just needed to vent. Totally natural and normal.”  

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In a later edit to her post, the OP shared that — after bringing her feelings up with her husband — she realized that many of her current emotions were precipitated by “being exhausted and PPD [postpartum depression].”

“I don’t hate my [mother-in-law.] This is my first and probably only child and she’s my rainbow baby so I’m very protective,” she explained, adding, “I’m going to stop reading comments now and go snuggle with my baby that just got home.”

If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.