Chrissy Metz Says Her Father ‘Would Weigh Me’ and ‘Threaten to Lock the Cupboards’ (Exclusive) ArticlePure

• Chrissy Metz had a candid conversation with Jamie Kern Lima in the newest episode of her podcast, airing Oct. 22, PEOPLE exclusively reports
• The This Is Us star shared how her stepfather shamed her for her weight — and how, at age 12, she wondered, “Why does my weight equate my worthiness?”
• Metz said fame has changed the way strangers treat her on airplanes; Now, they welcome her to sit next to them, but before she was TV, it was: ’Oh, gosh, here comes a big girl that I have to sit next to’

Chrissy Metz is looking back on how her weight impacted how her stepfather, friends, and even strangers treated her — and how that changed once she became famous.

Her stepfather “would weigh me in the kitchen or threaten to lock the cupboards, and I’m like, ‘I don’t think you get it,’ ” Metz, 44, told host Jamie Kern Lima on the Oct. 22 episode of her podcast, PEOPLE exclusively reports. 

“I think there’s so much more awareness now around food, food issues, food behavior … we educate people, the fear goes away. And maybe he was just fearful. I don’t really know,” the This Is Us star, who grew up in Florida as the middle child of five, said. “But yeah, I mean, [it was] definitely mental, physical, emotional abuse for sure.”

She talked about the lasting impact of his comments, saying “the emotional stuff … they’re like little nicks, little cuts, and eventually you bleed out. It is painful.”

“Why does my weight equate my worthiness?” she asked. “And as a 12-year-old kid, it’s like, how do you reconcile that in your mind?”

The Masked Singer contestant said she struggled with feeling accepted in her adolescence, explaining, “You look like none of your other friends and you can’t fit into any of the cute Wet Seal clothes that they can fit into. You’re like, ‘Oh, let me borrow your necklace.’ ”

“Also all the boys liked my friends — and I always felt like I was setting my friends up with cute boys.”

These days, Metz says, “I think I’m trying to heal those wounds slowly but surely. And it’s not easy … The root of it is, ‘I’m unworthy.’ “

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Metz told Lima that “there’s so much stigma about weight, and there still is for a myriad of reasons, but I think there’s this idea that like, ‘Oh, you can’t put the food down’ or ‘You’re lazy.’ “

“Beautiful models are on a pedestal, even though they’re very unhealthy as well. They’re not taking care of their bodies. But when you’re overweight, it’s like a whole other thing. It’s so bizarre,” Metz said. 

It’s that stigma that made people “sigh, or wouldn’t look at me or wouldn’t engage” when she sat next to them on an airplane, Metz said.  

“Before the show, I could go on an airplane and someone could not want to sit next to me if they were too squished or they were going to be like, ’Oh, gosh, here comes a big girl that I have to sit next to.’ “

“But because now I’m on a TV show, they don’t care. Or they’re like, ‘Oh, well, you’re famous.’ ”  

“It was always like, they’re going to be bothered that I’m sitting next to them, or they wouldn’t look at me twice or they would not engage. And then when I became, let’s put it in air quotes, famous, then they want to have a conversation or they were more apt to want to sit next to me.”

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“It’s still something that my friends and I talk about because what does it really even mean? What could I provide to them or what insight could I share with them? I don’t know. Do they feel cooler sitting next to someone who’s famous? I don’t know.”

“I don’t understand it,” Metz said. “That kind of behavior … it makes you not want to trust people.”